reconnecting

The husband turned forty back in March - toward the beginning of the horrible solo parenting marathon that brought me to my knees. What a joyous time.

Anyway..

I've said it before, he's the don't make a fuss birthday guy {eye roll}. I don't understand it, so I just ignore his silly requests. I wanted to throw him an intimate, thai inspired, backyard dinner with low tables and cushions under a marquee with his closest friends.. of course that was quashed and the day came and went with much normalcy (outside of the big bunch of helium balloons and decorations the kids and I made).

He was deep into a shitty patch of work and it turned out we thought we would have to sing happy birthday and have his cake for breakfast the morning of his birthday, because we wouldn't see him for the rest of the day. Now I don't mind eating cake for breakfast one little bit, but it felt pretty sad that we were going to be apart for the whole day with no evening celebration. We had a special dinner the night before, just in case, and were delighted when he managed to make it home on his birthday for a whole hour to inhale homemade pizzas and eat cheesecake. Who cares if it was 4.30 in the afternoon. Hurrah!

I knew my parents were going to be in town in May and took my cue to request their expertise for an overnight babysitting stint, of which they happily obliged. Our FIRST night away from the kids since becoming parents six and a half years ago! Sad but true. A belated birthday gift for the man who doesn't want any fuss.

There was much (work related) drama to actually get him there - something that was MEANT to be a surprise but had to end up telling him about the morning of.. can you tell I have a hate/hate relationship with his job? There was anger and tears and something along the lines of why can't we be like normal people and spend a night away from our children once in a blue moon with zero drama attached?? WHHHYYYYYY?

Once the drama was behind us and we made our way into the city, I breathed out all those shitty feelings about my plans having crumbled and time having been lost because of his bloody job.. and all was fine. Night fell and the city lit up. It was a strangely balmy autumn evening, perfect for strolling the streets and laneways hand in hand, and walking the banks of the river. We ate dinner leisurely, and talked about things that had been put on the back burner for so long. We joined the crowds on the streets and bridges, heading to and from drinks, dinners, plays, musicals, celebrations.. feeling as though we had stepped into another world - far away from the one we knew. Just for a night.

Just being together with no interruptions, even when there were moments with no conversation, was so rejuvenating. Taking time to look at each other properly, and really listen to and engage in a conversation with full attention was just so wonderful. Plans were made and focus shifted and somehow things felt clearer without three little voices pulling our attention away. Even when there were no issues with our relationship prior to our little getaway (apart from not having seen each other much) it still brought us closer together. We both felt it, without having to say it.

When was the last time you spent a night away from the kids with your love? I will absolutely, positively not wait another six and a half years before we do it again, that's for sure!

In the spirit of all things lovey dovey, I mentioned this song last week, but he's made it official in the studio and now you can buy it on iTunes. Seriously, it's better than the original (sorry Bey Bey). Give me a musician and a deep, silky voice any day and I'm there. Baby, love me lights out..

baby love / a maternity series

My baby sister and brother-in-law made a baby. Hurrah!

I'm forcing her to let me document her journey into motherhood. The first instalment of BABY LOVE, a monthly maternity series documenting mother and baby's journey toward birth, can be seen here. You can see the full collection of stills and words over on my other blog.

Music in Vimeo clip / Sarah Humphreys / Looking for a Face

kids were here / july 2013

'When I was first asked to be a part of this project, I was admittedly very excited for the group of photographers I'd be working with. They're an amazingly talented group of women. I was also looking forward to documenting a new aspect of our lives, which I gave little (or no) attention to with the camera. Yet it is such a significant part of our everyday. These left-behind toys, the messes, the food, the strewn about clothes; some days, I think they're staring me in the face, laughing. You vacuumed? ha! You just emptied the sink? Too bad! The entry way has been cleared of shoe piles & coat mountains? Nope, not today! But a funny thing happened to me, with this photo project. I am now pausing more & taking more deep breaths. Do I still enjoy all these messes? If I'm being honest, not so much, but incorporating my photography into the daily disasters has given me a new perspective.'  ~Breanna Peterson

My hard drive is close to exploding. I've been backing up, checking, double checking, and then deleting. Knowing there are three copies of photos and hitting DELETE still makes me feel ill. Since upgrading the camera to something serious earlier in the year, the hard drive filled up pretty quickly - even when deleting all the crap. The files are bigger than before, MUCH bigger than before. A large amount of cashola is to be paid to the Apple Gods very shortly and I will be happier than a pig in shite when we have two desktops, at opposite ends of the house so our daily routine can function a whole lot better than giving myself a neck cramp leaning off the back of my chair to check on the kids down the hall, should I need to be at the computer during daylight hours. I try not to, but some days, it's just not possible to live the idyllic being present with your kids every minute of the day lifestyle. Peppa helps me out there.

Knowing family sessions would be taking up plenty of space in the past month, the camera sat fairly idle during our days simply because it meant more backing up and more deleting. 80% of this month's photos were taken in chunks, within five minute periods, wandering around the house, just to have a record. Not up to scratch but here nonetheless.

Find out more about Kids Were Here, here and here.

pretending

My little journal here has been neglected these past few weeks. Just usual life stuff with extra commitments thrown in for good measure. And work. Did you hear me? WORK! I'm still petrified at the reality of feeling like a proper grown up again (yes, raising children should make you feel like a proper grown up, but I must say, not being responsible to turn up to a workplace for the last (almost) six years doesn't really make me feel all that grown up..), but think I am doing a good job of hiding it. Fake it till you make it, right?

I flew to Canberra late Friday afternoon, as a photographer. Just got goosebumps as I typed that bit. Again with the pretending to be a grown up. Three families wanted me to take their photos. For the second time in the space of a week, I was to spend more than 24 hours in a row sans children. This time round felt easier - mainly because I wasn't there to relax and enjoy myself. I was there to capture and deliver lasting memories for three beautiful families that they will (hopefully) remember forever.

Mental notes from the weekend ::

The last time I was in Canberra, I was on my Year 7 camp.
Canberra is a really pretty city.
Canberra is bloody freezing.
Flying without kids is ace. Ace.
Virgin give you free snacks and drinks.
Reading a novel uninterrupted is the bomb.
Patrick Swayze was one of the most beautiful men EVER.
Pretending to be a grown up is fun.
I love my job.
I love that I had the courage to make my job, my job.
Flying without kids is ace. ACE.
Yes, I meant to type that one twice.

What makes you feel like you're just pretending to be a grown up? x

bugs

They've been hanging around for weeks. And totally screwed up my weekend. Following the relentlessness of unhappy children and handing out medicine at the demand of the big hand, I cracked. A simple trip to the chemist and then to the shops for necessary supplies, two painfully exhausting children in tow, was my undoing. Plus the headache. The throbbing headache that comes, without fail, every rare opportunity I take, to sleep in. To try and take some time for myself to catch up on weeks of early starts and late nights and disrupted sleeping, taking care of a sick household. The cruel irony is just so.. cruel.

On Friday I experienced quite a humorous parenting low. I can only say it was humorous now, because it turned out okay. After five and half years of packing one, two, three children into the car - wherever it is that we have been - then packing the pram into the boot, I missed a step. Late in the afternoon I checked a message on my phone from a friend - I've got your pram, you left it on the footpath! LOL. I assure you I was not LOL-ing. How the fark do you forget to pack a bright red pram into your car? When I collected it from my friend she said, Hey! Could have been worse - you could have left a kid in there too! This is true. Though I'm pretty sure I would have noticed fairly quickly if I was down one kid whereas prior to receiving the message from my friend, I had no idea that my boot was empty and the pram, nowhere to be found. We laughed and laughed, even through the embarrassment of my parenting low. She knew how rough the last couple of weeks had been, how little sleep I had managed in between the restless nights of a sick household. I am truly grateful for her friendship. And for knowing how to fold up a Phil & Teds so she could take it home for me.

When I retold the story to my mum, she laughed that laugh that almost makes tears well in your eyes, and then told me about the time she had done the same thing. She left it at the trots one night after piling us all in the car - the only difference being, when she went back to get it in the morning - after realising what she'd done - it was nowhere to be found. I didn't feel so silly after that. Thanks mum.

So, ever left your pram/kid on the side of the road? Or anywhere for that matter?!

*Yes, my windows really are that filthy, after the pest control man came to kill all the spiders hiding in our brickwork and eaves this week - liquid death dribbling down all our windows..

birthday boy

This was meant to be a weekend love post. Seeing as it's now THURSDAY, seems a bit silly to call it that..

While he showed no sign of noticing, Eliot's birthday was a little disjointed. Hubby had been working interstate for a week and arrived home mid morning - almost to the minute when our boy had arrived into the world, two whole years ago. Then in the afternoon Ruby went off to a friend's birthday party - whose invitation had already been accepted before I even noticed it was on Eliot's birthday. I'm totally in the running for Mother of the Year.

He woke (far too early thanks to his sister) to a lounge room floor full of balloons, and a little pile of lovely presents. He wore his big brother's recycled birthday crown (mama was too exhausted to create another) as we shared pancakes with homemade honey - his favourite - and waited for daddy to arrive home, bearing more gifts from the Apple Isle. It was another hot one in Melbourne so it was mostly quiet afternoon play in the cool of the air conditioner, with pizza for dinner and a two-two train cake for dessert. I was less than impressed with my efforts for his first birthday cake last year. You see, on the day of his party last year we had Tim come in the morning, and then had the party in the afternoon. Instead of holding his party the day after Tim was to come, I thought it a good - and perhaps noble - idea to have these two huge events on the same day, in order to save family having to travel over to our side of the city, twice in two days. Sometimes it is completely necessary to ignore all noble instincts and THINK ONLY OF YOURSELF. Lesson learnt (always the bloody hard way, yes?!). It was too much in one day. Just too much. Something I had waited so long for suffered (through nobody's fault but my own) and Eliot's poor cake suffered too. Like a cake is that important.. but it is to me. I love to make an effort for the kids because they love it so. And my mum did the very same for us when we were children. Getting to choose our cake out of the Women's Weekly Birthday Cake Book every year. Hello Memory Lane.

He's all about the traaaaaaiiiiins at the moment, so I got to do my very first train cake, on a number two shaped track. Simple to construct and fun to put together. As I brought it to the table, his little eyes lit up like firecrackers as he squealed 'trrrrrraaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiin'. We lit the candles, over and over again, the kids picked at the carriage loot and filled the remaining gaps in their bellies with delicious cake. More cake was devoured for breakfast the following morning. As it should be.