Got a Christmas party coming up? Need a little homemade gift for your loved ones? Or people you may not love so much but are forced to spend your workdays with who would think less of you if you didn't give them something for Christmas? Here's how you do it.
Dash to the shops late on a Saturday afternoon to collect a handful of supplies for your amazing salads you have been allocated to take to your Christmas party the following day.
While you're there, panic when you realise you haven't bought any Christmas cards to give your friends - seeing as it's a CHRISTMAS party - nor given any thought to the fact you should probably be gifting something to show them you do actually care.
Buy some little cheapo cards and clear cello bags. The important point here is to be absolutely sure you give no thought whatsoever to the fact you only have blue and white twine left at home to use for wrapping, and randomly grab a pack of cards that in NO WAY match your twine.
Call your sister in the confectionary aisle and get her to help you refresh your failing memory on the loose quantities that are involved for your chosen WINNING recipe. Reassure yourself that if you've got the wrong amounts of ingredients, you can make it work regardless. You are that good. When you get home, surprise yourself that your memory is actually useful for the really important stuff - remembering quantities of chocolate.
Plan your enjoyable evening between a festive kitchen stint and editing at the computer. Abort plans when you fall asleep putting your toddler to bed and wake at 9.30pm, groggy and disorientated.
Fight all urges to raise the white flag and head straight for your bed covers. Make a cup of tea. Tell yourself to keep your eyes OPEN.
Get going on THE BEST peppermint bark you will ever taste. (Believe me, I have tried a few different recipes and this one wins, hands down. Don't waste your time on anything else.)
While you're waiting for layers to set, do some editing.
After the stroke of midnight when you have put your final layer on, and your editing is finished, go to bed happy that you actually achieved what you set out to do.
In the morning, leave your bark out for ten minutes to come to room temperature, then try to cut and bag it without the smalls seeing you. Give up after 30 seconds when they can smell it. Like sniffer dogs. Try not to lose your shit when they ask for 753 pieces. Be kind and give them a few dregs.
Write heartfelt messages on your non-matching Christmas cards. Use your kids' fancy Christmas tree shaped hole punch to attach to your bags with your non-matching twine.
When you're bagged and tagged, eat the scraps.
Last and most importantly, feel genuinely happy when your friends are truly grateful for their little Christmas gift. Got it? Good.
My favourite re-hashing edible handmade Christmas gift