Wednesday, 11 April 2012

52 weeks of grateful :: reclaimed intimacy

This could be the post that pushes me into the crowd of over-sharing bloggers. I have always been honest here in my little space. I have said before, I am a loner in my grateful posts in that I have never joined in with the weekly topic. I prefer my week tell me what I am grateful for. This week it told me I was grateful to get my groove back. Finally. {If I've put you off your dinner, come back tomorrow for something shiny, happy and sexless.}

A little over a month ago I became me again. No babies to feed. No babies to grow. For the first time in four and a half years. All the mamas know, growing and birthing babies affects your sex life. Whether you believe it will, or not. Before our blessed babes arrived into this world, when I used to hear people say it {sex} all changes after you have kids, I naively thought not us. How can it all change when having a baby only increases the amount of love between you and your husband {partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever}? You created life. You made a human being. That is some serious crafting. Some serious loving.

I must say I don't think I really came to fully understand that statement until after Eliot was born. With each child that arrives, you have less and less time. For anything. Sex included. And plenty of it has been taken out of your hands. Especially if you are breastfeeding. The body is content on thieving necessary functions required for the big love. I fell into the large majority of breastfeeding mothers whose sex drive falls significantly while feeding. Did I want to have sex with my husband? Of course. Did I feel like having sex with my husband? No.* And that's not heart. That's hormones. And timing. Eliot was a healthy little feeder and right up until ten months of age, had the awesome ability of waking for a feed just as I was heading to bed, be it alone or for some lovin. But we were both happy to put up with the handful of shitty things that come with breastfeeding, to be able to enjoy the armfuls of wonderful things that come with breastfeeding. In the scheme of things, it was for such a short space of time.

In the last four and a half years I have gone from pregnant to breastfeeding to pregnant to breastfeeding to pregnant to breastfeeding. Translated to best sex of your life to worst sex of your life. And repeat. Twice. And now I'm just me again. Hormones back to normal. And a {mostly} all-night-sleeping baby. I am needed less. Which means a little more free time has crept through the back door. A little more free time to get to know each other again. To reconnect. Properly. No hormones or pregnancy exhaustion or feeding or full milky boobs or blah blah blah getting in the way. Just us. Reclaiming our territory. And it is oh. so. sweet.

{photos by the talented Mr C}

{Linking up with the beautiful Maxabella for Kidspot}

*No, hubby was not starved of sex for the past twelve months. Far from it. We all have needs.


  1. Oh Tahnee I almost sprayed my tea on the screen at the last sentence! We do, all have needs.

    I'm really looking forward to getting my boobs back for a little while, if Scout would get on board with the weaning wagon! Seriously, kid!

  2. best. post. ever.

  3. I sit here totally agreeing with you ... such a fantastic honest post!

  4. You're amazing!

    You truly are.

    Congratulations on getting your groove back, Stella!

    So many women just read this & nodded along profusely.

    Profusely xx

  5. You have written this post so well. So well!!
    There's something that shifts a little at times like these. Even holding hands watching movies feels a little different. It's almost like finding a lost part of ourselves and falling in love all over again. xx

  6. Love this post!! I actually really needed to read this. Grateful for timing, grateful for your words. Thank you xx

  7. Ah, honesty! I'm somewhere in the middle of this cycle - one bub out, thinking of making another. I can relate to finding my groove after I stopped breastfeeding Beautiful photos.

  8. Love this post Tahnee! I really think you captured how a lot of us feel. xx

  9. Yes Tahnee - totally agree with most of the comments here. Great post. Good on you for putting this out there. I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for the best part of three years now (actually more!), so am with you all the way. Congrats on getting your mojo back now though! x

  10. I love this. Such a beautiful post. I love how you've compared it from then to now. The photos are stunning, and I just love that last line!



  11. Hooray for that 'love'liness creeping back through the door - getting your groove on is a really important part of your connection and it's wonderful to hear that it's 'on'.

    Happy weekend!

  12. I hear you! Even after finishing breast-feeding it still took me about 5 years to get my groove back... a bit of PND didn't help! Lovely to 'meet' you! Rach xx

  13. Absolutely been there! And the absolute JOY (oh joy!!) of getting my groove back was even better than discovering sex in the first place.

    Such an honest, insightful post, Tahnee. x

    PS - these photos are just dreamy. In the first photo of the two of you, you make the shape of a love heart and it's magic.

  14. PPS - Hardly anyone follows the Kidspot word prompt. Just so you know... I don't even follow it on my own blog!!!! x

  15. Oh I so know what you mean!!!! It took a long time before Husband and I got our groove back. Before I *wanted* my groove back.... tiredness is so under-rated isn't it.

    Awesome post xxx

  16. love!
    and i'm with lou re the tea/spray/computer screen part! you crack me up.
    i'm sure mr.p loves this post even more than any of us! ;)

  17. I love how you described where you have come from. It's where I am at right now. I have a 5 and 3 year old, plus a 5 month old baby I'm feeding. It has been a real test on my relationship with my husband but I know we will be through the other end where you are now soon enough. Thanks for reminding me that where I am at is ok. x

  18. Amen and amen.
    I think my groove might be coming back slowly... we'll see ;)
    Love these photos!

  19. It is sooo good to hear this. Currently breast feeding our three month old and we have been lamenting our lack of time. Thank you!


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