oh hai there

Sorry for disappearing like that. I had planned on doing some scheduled posts just before I left but once I uploaded all my photos my tired brain couldn't work out why the clarity was rubbish. That's what happens when you export at 60% and not 100%. By the time I figured it out, it was too late and I waved the white flag. No posts. Not even a seeya-in-a-few-weeks one.

We head home tomorrow and I have to say, I cannot wait. I have had a strange holiday. Strange in the sense of having your feet up and everything done for you, while your mind races one hundred miles an hour and cannot be switched off, no matter how much sea air and sunshine is involved.

I'm ready for home, ready to see my darling hubby, ready to get back to routine, and rhythm. Ready to get back in my own bed. And the kids' behaviour tells me they're ready too. Our breaks away always end this way. Probably much the same as any family with littles.

I'll flood you with photos when I return. Of course. Here's to a little freshness and clearer head space, heading back into a Melbourne winter, with some new challenges, new goals, new dreams. Little and big.

Seeya soon x

{snap it} :: growing

Those little legs are {growing} longer every day.
Spending more time in his siblings' chairs than his high chair.

See what else is growing over at Sarah's.

blondie

As a child, I used to have white blonde hair. So did my dad. Somewhere around the age of twelve it began to grow darker. Much darker. Her's is already much darker than mine was at her age. My little blondie is disappearing. I have been hesitant for her to have a trim, even though she has needed one. Because with each trim, a little more of her white blonde is snipped away. A little more of my baby girl, disappearing. Yesterday we went for that trim. And just as if it were her first cut, I asked the hairdresser to scoop up a handful of her white tresses for me to tuck inside her baby book. A treasured keepsake to remember her childhood locks when she is older, and wiser, and much, much darker.

weekend love {with a side of grateful}

That's all I've got. Didn't pick my camera up once. Barely instagrammed. There will be some fudging going on for the project.

I spent a lot of time with my girl this weekend. We went to a kindy friend's birthday party on Saturday which began as a two hour party, ending in an all afternoon affair, only leaving when the play centre closed and we were kicked out. I had planned to do a little shopping and coffee/chino stop together after the party, daydreaming of walking hand in hand with no pram to push or sultanas to hand out to distract exuberant Middle, but she was having such a wonderful time with her friends, I didn't want to pull her away. I was also having a wonderful time looking after just one child, chatting and laughing with her friends' mums and enjoying a little down time. I have become friendly with only a couple of the kindy mums, and these were the mums I got to know more at the party. We sat and talked for hours, laughing about family life and kids and babies and not ever wanting to go back to a 9-5 job and everything in between. We found common ground on a lot of topics and made plans to book tickets to the ballet. While this was going on, hubby had taken the boys to our nephew's second birthday party. Another all afternoon affair.

I announced I was sleeping in Sunday morning. After a late breaky and milling around, doing not much at all, Ruby and I headed to the shops for some grocery supplies, leaving the boys to enjoy Toy Story. Again. We took our time and she was happy to ride shotgun in the trolley which is quite the novelty considering her brothers usually take priority. Her awkward size in that tiny seat, her long legs buffering mine as I pushed, her big eyes so close to mine as she spoke, it all made me so sad that her five years at home with me are drawing to a close. Five years that have felt like five minutes.

We still have another seven months together before the school run will become routine, but it's disappearing so very fast. Every day she talks about school and what it will be like, what she will learn, how she will be able to read her own books, how Jacqueline will be going to the same school too, how she will need a bigger bag, her kindy bag just won't do. She has questions. All day long. Questions. Some, I don't know the answers to. And when I am honest and tell her I don't know the answers, she tells me 'but mum, you know everything, of course you know the answer'. She is so ready. So ready for her little brain to grow and soak up as much information as she possibly can. And while I am excited for this next phase, to see her blossom even further, there is definitely more sadness at this point. Because the closer she gets to the school gates, the further away from babyland we get.

When friends ask, are you having another? I say, a little defeated, no, I think we're done. I cannot bring myself to say a definitive no, without pause or hesitation. It feels so harsh. Even though I just took maternity cover off our health insurance. I think I feel defeated because our decision has really been made for us. It is a financial decision. Money aside, could I do it again? Yes. But making a selfish decision to please my heart, a decision that would put far too much pressure on our financial responsibilities as parents, is not something I am willing to do. And I say I because, while of course it is a decision that is made with hubby, who would do it again too, I am the one to carry that little life and bring it into this world. And we have to think about the little lives we have already brought into this world. Little lives who when they ask to try a new sport, or play a new instrument, years from now, I want to be able to say yes, of course you can give it a try! I don't want to have to say I'm sorry darling, we just can't afford it.

We are blessed to have this decision made for us in this way. For that, I am grateful. Many are not so lucky, and the decision to not have any more children is made for them, because their bodies are unable to carry out the miraculous and arduous task of growing and birthing a sweet, little life. I am not a negative person, I like to see the glass half full. This is our positive for knowing our baby days have passed.

I am not sure how this post turned into a grateful one, but it has, so I'm going with it. Sometimes I surprise myself with what comes out at the keys, sometimes I feel I am not in control of my fingers. Things need to be said, whether I was aware of them or not.

If your baby days have passed, how did you know? When asked if you were having another, could you give a definitive NO?

{Double linky today, with Lou for Point + Shoot, and Bron for Kidspot Village Voices.}

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour and remember.

Linking up with the ever-inspiring SouleMama.

~~~~~

Last weekend of school holidays for us.. how did that happen so quickly? Oh wait ~ we're going on real holidays in five sleeps. Of course I am counting.

Happy weekend to you, friends x

addicted

Hi. My name is Tahnee. And I'm a tragic Offspring fan.

Yes, I bawled like a baby through last night's season finale. Mostly at the end (through laughter and happiness) when all the loose strings were tied up ~ Alfie pulling through, Zara admitting her love for superclutz Jimmy, Cherie making the right decision with Clegg (who really is THE most fabulous character I think!), Billie and Mick sorting out their drama, and of course the reunion we had all be waiting for. Nina and Patrick. +1.

I struggled to see the tele toward the end through salty tears of joy (you know, actual joy for, er.. made up people). And laughter. Phillip Noonan thrashing out his best Elvis moves was bloody hysterical. Garry McDonald is so brilliant in this role. The casting directors and writers are truly gifted, perhaps slightly, and just enough, crazy. To come up with such dialogue to combine quality drama and comedy gold, I applaud them. Asher Keddie and Matt LeNevez have the most ridiculous chemistry I have ever seen. They suck us right in. Rumour has it Channel Ten have signed on for another two seasons. I certainly hope that is truth. Yep. Wednesdays are really going to suck now.

Oh sweet Lord. That man.

*Image 1 source
** Image 2 source
*** Image 3 source

{snap it} :: yesterday

 

My girl and I.
Feels like {yesterday}.

Joining in with creative Sarah for Snap It.

weekend love

It was productive. Oh how I love a productive weekend! So productive that showering and getting dressed would have meant too much time out of my productive rhythm, so I worked in my pyjamas. That is, except to change into painting clothes Sunday afternoon. I learned that my kids don't really own old clothes. Or rather, old clothes that still fit. You know, clothes they can paint in. Cole ended up in too-small-pj's and Ruby had quite the interesting get-up in her shorty short leggings and size 3 cardi.

I took a lot of photos over the weekend, but the majority were of Eliot's room before we pulled it apart. (I hope to do a little series of kids' room tours soon). For a while now he has been showing interest in playing in his room, but it wasn't really set up for that. It was still in full baby mode with a feeding chair and ottoman (excellent for climbing up on and balancing on the arm to look in the cot, also excellent for falling off and splitting your lip open), some books on his shelf and more in a little basket, plus a small basket of toys. The rest of the stuff on his bookshelf was sentimental, ornamental baby stuff. Ever so useful to a one year old. Remember last weekend we started rearranging the front lounge room? We moved the bookshelf in Eliot's room down there to house all my sewing stuff, to make way for a more toddler friendly one in his 'new' room. My sewing area has been condensed and I am currently milling through piles of fabric and scraps the kids and I have strewn everywhere. I expect more of this will be watched tonight as I fold and put away so that I may actually find the carpet. And with special visitors arriving mid-week, I really should pull my finger out.

I hope your weekend was as productive as you wanted it to be x

{Joining in with lovely Lou for Point + Shoot}

lemon polenta biscuits

Our poor bank balance has been smashed the last two months. Rates, utilities, dance fees, kindy fees, mechanic, plumber, car rego, insurance, more utilities.. and so it goes. Just when things looked rosy, I booked our holiday airfares. Cue plumber and mechanic to rain on our parade. We have never experienced bills like this before, with such terrible timing. Shit happens. We push through.

So we are rationing through the school holidays - of all the times be without any bloody money! The grocery list consisted of essentials. Only essentials. So our regular baking meant nothing fancy. Just using your basic baking essentials that are always in the pantry. This recipe is from The Australian  Women's Weekly Cheap Eats cookbook. So appropriate considering we are totally cheap for another whole week. Boo hiss. Boo hiss again to monthly pay cycles. Boo hiss again again to the blurry photo below. I was too lazy to rectify the rubbish. If you squint, the baking paper is in focus.

This is not a sweet biscuit, I would even go so far as to say it could almost pass for savoury. If you like a good tangy punch to anything lemony, you could easily add more juice or rind. Next time, I will. They are not as lemony as I had expected, or hoped for. The dough comes together similar to a shortbread, but is much denser in the finish, providing a crunchy bite, not a crumbly one. The best part is, Eliot and I are the only ones who like them. I think the texture of the polenta through the biscuit put the other three off. Perhaps a love it or hate it recipe. You decide.

Lemon Polenta Biscuits
(makes roughly 30-35)

250g softened butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups (200g) icing sugar
2 tbsp finely grated lemon rind
1/2 cup (85g) polenta
2 1/2 cups (375g) plain flour
1 tbsp lemon juice

Beat butter, extract, icing sugar and 1 teaspoon of the rind* in bowl with electric mixer until combined. Stir in polenta, flour and juice, in two batches (I combined flour and polenta first). Knead dough on floured surface until smooth. Divide dough in half; shape pieces into two 20cm long logs. Cover, refrigerate for 2 hours or until firm. Preheat oven to 200/180 fan forced. Line baking sheets with baking paper. Cut logs into 1cm slices; place on oven trays, sprinkle remaining rind over biscuits. Bake about 15 minutes. Stand for 5 minutes; turn onto wire rack to cool.

*I recommend adding both tablespoons of rind into the dough and forget about sprinkling over the top before baking. The bits on top provide no extra flavour and the biscuits could use more tang (for my liking anyway).

Let me know if you love them or hate them.